Those who know
me, and those who've heard me preach, know that intimacy with God
is a subject very close to my heart, one I preach everywhere, because
without that intimacy I couldn't have gone to Mali and survived.
Intimacy with HIM is the key to everything!
And that is
probably the reason why it's also what is most contested in my life,
the area that is most under attack, constantly, every day. And tonight
I have a confession to make, from a broken, grieving heart:
my Lord & Lover, I've failed my team and my church, and my children,
I've failed all of you who've been supporting me.
In Matthew 7,
Jesus addresses his followers, telling them of those who do all
these wonderful things for him (see verse above). These people were
not unbelievers - they drove out demons (and we know from the 7
sons of Sceva how the demons would react to unbelievers), these
followers of Christ were mouthpieces of God, speaking on His behalf.
They healed the sick and did signs and wonders, advancing His kingdom
in the earth. And yet, they didn't KNOW Jesus. KNOW means intimately
knowing. Those believers did wonderful things, and yet Jesus did
not KNOW them. He couldn't remember their faces gazing upong Him.
He couldn't remember their words of love whispered into His ears.
He couldn't remember holding them in His arms and letting His very
essence fill them. Yes, they did great things, but they forgot the
most important: just BEING with their Beloved. They will pay a high
price because they will not enter into the kingdom of heaven (see
And I've failed
my Beloved, allowing the busy-ness of life to move me further and
further away from the One I love. Yes, I now have 4 kids in the
house with me, yes I teach them every morning, yes I still have
to preach, teach, counsel, do the accounting, the printing, the
writing, the cooking, the comforting, and spending time with my
kids. Yes, nights have become far too short, and yes, my body has
started to complain loudly about the lack of sleep. And yes, I've
lost two team members who chose not to follow the call of God, leaving
me with one 18-year-old team member, who's only available until
the end of September.
All of these
are good reasons, but no excuses. HE must always be first, my time
with HIM must take precedence over everything else. Tonight (Sunday)
I just wept and wept, crying out to Him, telling Him how desperately
I needed Him, more than anything else in this world, and I couldn't,
I wouldn't continue without living in the secret place again, without
hearing His hearbeat and being lost in His glorious love continually.
I also wept out of despair at failing again and again, and not knowing
the solution. I cried out to the Lord to do a deep work in me, to
ruin me forever with His glory, to not send me back (in 5 weeks)
the same I was now. And also to make a way where there is no way;
to send workers so I wouldn't have to do everything myself, but
could have that most precious and important time with HIM.
for the Lord to unite me with my husband-to-be, who is being prepared
somewhere in this world. And I'm praying for workers to be sent
into the harvest! I know that there are those of you reading these
words who feel God's call to GO. And I'm praying for the Lord raise
up more, many more, Malian workers to join us in the task at hand.
If you pray
anything for me, please pray for me to never ever lose my intimacy
with my Bridegroom King again, but to live continually in His glory
presence, as prophesied.
my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From
his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
18:6) Thank you to all of you who encouraged me after the CONSTRUCTION
IMPOSSIBLE? email, and who prayed. The Lord answered your prayers!
I never saw
the Malian architect again - he finally understood that we don't
have that kind of money.
Lord gave us an American architect near Atlanta who has taken on
this project. He and his team will make the drawings for us, and
be in communication with the construction manager in Mali. This
past weekend in Paris, I've taken a walk with the Lord on our property,
with everything built, and I've sat down and done a lot of drawing
putting it all on paper.
The other good
news is that just before I left Mali last week Wednesday, I met
with a Christian man who's built many churches and other buildings
in Mali, and who was highly recommended to me. He said he's willing
to be our construction manager - and he even speaks English!
PRAISE THE LORD!
Your prayers made the difference!
Now all that's
still missing is the finances to do all of this, but I have no doubt
whatsoever that He has already taken care of that as well. May what
is already done in heaven be made manifest on earth!
build my house, the house for Seybou & his family, and the third
little house, first so that at least we can all move and not pay
rent anymore, before starting with the main building and the other
small buildings. There will be room for 200 kids (100 on each floor),
the school, a medical facility, workshops, messhall, church, offices,
and our vegetable garden.
A few days ago
the Lord reminded me of the verse, You don't have because you
don't ask, and encouraged me to make the monthly needs known.
Again and again I meet people who think I'm fully supported from
the US or from Austria or from some other source. Everyone thinks
the money is coming from elsewhere, when in reality I'm fully dependent
on the Lord to meet the meets at hand, never knowing where it will
come from. By now, we are 10 people living together in the rented
house, and our monthly expenses are close to $2000. But only the
rent (a fourth of those expenses) is taken care of by what is given
by my church in Austria and a few individuals (I thank the Lord
for them!). Yet, the Lord is faithful, always bringing in the rest
some way or other.
So today I'm
addressing those who'd like to advance God's kingdom in Mali, who'd
like to sow into this growing ministry on a monthly basis. Maybe
you'd like to take care of some of these biggest, specific needs:
electricity & water
phone & internet
salaries & food for 3 people
Malian doctor for all of us
Once the building
project is done, there won't be any more rent or electricity to
pay - just 200 kids to take care of ;-) (I have not listed the expenses
for our 6 kids, because a big percentage of that is covered by their
If you'd like
to give a one-time donation, or support us on a monthly basis, please
contact me and/or go to the DONATE
page on my website.
father, a man of visible violence, told us he wanted to erase the
memory of his son from their family, however, he wouldn't sign the
paper that he could stay with us. Later the neighbors held a council
with the family and decided anything was better than Salim being
with Christians, and they forced his Dad to take him back. Every
person in our neighborhood I've talked to is of the same opinion,
that he will one day kill his son. Salim avoids his father and now
stays with us from morning till evening. When school starts again
in fall, he's also gonna attend our school (currently I'm the teacher)with
- himself still a "kid" - is now alone in taking care
of the kids. When I left, he told me that God was in charge, and
coming back I would find that he'd received 10 talents and gained
another 10. Please pray for him during the weeks ahead.
had a hard time saying good-bye, especially Abdias. For Hama it
will also be very hard not to receive his daily dose of love, but
I've charged the other kids to love on him. Please pray for all
6 kids. I've also just added a page to my site with pictures and
info on each kid.
a few hours it's time for me to board a plane to the US, where I'm
gonna spend a month, in three different cities, attending two conferences,
seeing old friends again, and making new. I'm only preaching once;
my purpose is to be refreshed, to draw closer to Him, to refocus,
and return to Mali with fresh vision and direction, as well as strength
and energy. Please pray for divine appointments during the month
All glory, and
power, and honor, and praise belong to Him, our glorious Bridegroom
and King! What honor to know and serve Him! Hallelujah!
For HIS GLORY,