He
turned the sea into dry land. (Ps 66:6)
The 1st of January, when I finally had some
time to be with the Lord and pray about 1996, He gave me Psalm
66 - and this line in particular - for 1996. I saw it as a wonderful
promise that He would carry me through all the problems ahead
and would turn them around. I was looking forward in anticipation
to what the Lord would be doing this year. This is what I wrote
in the middle of January, “I’m sure he will go
far beyond my expectations again. I know that it won’t be
an easy year in some ways, but hope (know) that it will be a year
of further healing and deliverance in my life. Whenever I feel
being torn down and surrounded by darkness, I now read Ps 66 and
am reminded of God’s promise. Praise Him !“ Far
was I from knowing how soon this promise should come to fulfilment
! (see 2. Inner Healing)
Towards the end of January, while having a time of prayer with
a friend, she was given a picture of me standing on a rock in
the middle of the sea and encouraged me not to look to the waves
but to the rock (that was when I was really down). I was amazed
as she didn’t know about my promise and it seemed to fit
so well.
During the conference God referred to this picture again and showed
me that this vast sea around me consisted of all the tears I had
wept in my life. Now I understood! Those hurts and tears then
caused my problems, represented by the waves. And He fulfilled
His promise and turned this sea into dry land, giving me a “final“
healing touch (for more see 2. Inner Healing).
Exams!
The 11th of January I had my first exam (History of African
Studies in Vienna), then the 16th (French Phonetics Part
I), the 18th (Bambara Grammar), the 22nd (French
Phonetics Part II), the 23rd (Bambara Conversation),
the 24th (France - everything about
it), the 25th (Bambara Texts) and the 26th (The influence
of Italian humanism on France and Germany). So I had 8 exams
and got another certificate without exam (you get a certificate
for every course you did). I still had one exam and three papers
to write left which I postponed till March. So I now have to write
those papers (there’s no deadline) and have no idea when
I’ll do the one exam left.
Before going to England I had 7 out of my 8 results back. We
have 5 marks: 1 is best and 5 is failed. I had five 1s and two
3s. Praise God! It’s only by His grace that I had such results.
Unfortunately I didn’t get the eighth back which was the
most critical one (France). I continued praying for it
a lot. I would have to do the whole course again this semester
if I failed it.
Coming back from England, I got the result: I had a 3! That was
a miracle for me. Now I haven’t got any lectures on Wednesday
and am able to put into practice what I had desired to do: I gave
the whole day to the Lord (see That’s Life!!!).
The Flu
About the 14th (only after the first exam) I
got the flu ! The following Sunday (21st) it was worst and I had
a week with an exam daily in front of me. During the service I
complained to God, Lord, you usually heal me immediately when
I get the flu, why not this time ? I have so many exams coming
up! I don’t understand! The fever was quite high that
night. As a result God convicted me about the way I treated my
body. No wonder I was ill! I struggled a lot with my eating habits
(as a result from my childhood) and also for financial reasons
I lived on Noodle-soup and Noodle-salad. So
I repented of the way I care for the temple of the Holy Spirit
and promised to do my best to eat properly.
Downhill Again
Now I expected to wake up healed the following
day, but I still had the flu - and my next exam. After the exam
I studied for the next, then had my next, then studied again,
then exam, etc.. I hardly met any people but spent most of the
time in bed studying. At the same time I felt emotionally worse
and worse. By Sunday afternoon, I was crying out to God to intervene,
lying before Him for two hours.
God's Answer
And the answer came quickly. The sermon at the
service seemed to be for me and even more what the pastor said
before the altar-call! It was so precisely what I had been praying
about! I was totally amazed. I then went to the front to be prayed
for and after some time the pastor came and prayed for me. In
the sermon, he had made a very honest confession that he could
have left the whole ministry the week before but that he had been
to a revival-conference where God had refreshed him. Now my pastor
had known a little about my struggles the last months and prayed
very directly and authoritatively. He prayed against any powers
of darkness and then went back to the front. I still was discouraged
and didn’t feel any different. The pastor suddenly said
that there were still people who were discouraged and desperate
and that Jesus wants to take it and replace it with hope. By faith,
I accepted this word to be for me and felt better.
Hallelujah!
The next morning I woke up full of praise and
thanksgiving and love for Jesus! The whole day I was constantly
singing songs to the Lord. I felt so light and was just full of
joy. I decided not to do any more work that week but to meet with
many people and that’s what I did. When I continued full
of joy the following day and the day after, I started to wonder
what God had done that Sunday. I now believe that that Sunday
night was crucial for all that followed. I believe God delivered
me from darkness that night (it was as if somebody with authority
over me needed to pray for me) and so prepared the way for what
He had in store for me. The last months, and especially in January,
I had prayed a lot for more effectivity, to be used more, and
for more of God. Every time I asked God why He didn’t use
me the way He had equipped me to, I seemed to get the same answer:
First this must be dealt with. And that’s what
God had done that Sunday. What a timing! The conference then was
to be a renewing of God’s promises and anointing to serve
Him in these ways (see “Waves of the Spirit“).
Counselling
Funny enough, the Wednesday after that Sunday,
I had my first counselling session. Already before Christmas,
a couple in my church approached me to have a meeting with me.
Two weeks before that Wednesday, we then made the appointment.
On one hand I didn’t really want it as I felt a bit misunderstood
by that couple, on the other hand I knew I needed counselling.
As the appointment was approaching, I was totally
terrified when thinking about it. Remember that I felt worse and
worse the week before and that irrational fear added to it. After
that amazing Sunday the fear had gone. I was then looking forward
to the meeting. Only a few hours before the session I became a
bit fearful.
The meeting then consisted mainly of telling
my story. I’m sure it also prepared me for what God had
in store for me at the conference.
After the session, many memories came up and
went round in my had. I had two bad nights following. But there
was no more darkness and for the first time in my life, I didn’t
have to give in to desperation but was able to rebuke the enemy.
Friday morning, I was filled with joy again. I felt so light and
free and also (even if it sounds funny) somehow fragile and clean
and peaceful. That Friday night, the last in Vienna, I went to
the Singles group where I had a marvellous time! For the first
time I didn’t care about the people around when praying
and just poured out my heart to God.
Putting Things Right
One day in November, God had shown me a few things
from before I had been a Christian which had to be put right.
It took some time, partly because I didn’t have enough.
x At Christmas I gave my Mother’s diaries
back to her. She had kept them in our room, when I was a child,
till I found them. I had read a little bit but the important parts
were written in shorthand. She said she had already wondered where
they were and I assured her that I had only read a little as a
child. She accepted it seemingly calmly.
x I had also found a box with photos with my
Mother as a child, my Mother & Father, up to myself as a child.
I loved those photos but gave them back to her. I asked her to
give me some of them but so far she hasn’t given me any.
x I had photos from the time in primary school
which belonged to the teacher we had had. I sent them back to
her and got a nice letter back.
x I gave a book and tape back I had taken from
my brother.
x About 6 years ago, my friend’s boyfriend
had given me a few discs with computer games. The telephone number
wasn’t correct any more but I found the new one and phoned
this guy. You can imagine his surprise (after 5 years - they had
split up then). As expected he said forget them.
x Now the biggest challenge where a few books
with exercises for tutoring. About 5 years ago I had had a student
in primary school. I went to see his teacher who had given me
these books to copy. When my student let me down shortly afterwards,
I still had the books. I simply forgot them. Now I only knew that
this primary school had been in the fifth district. So I looked
up all primary schools in that district, finding six. I needed
time to go from school to school. So the day chosen was the 29th
of January. When praying in the morning, one street’s name
seemed to sound familiar. I wrote a letter apologising and explaining
that it’s because I had started a relationship with Jesus
that I wanted to give them back and set off. I immediately recognised
the school and went up to the teachers’ room. It was locked.
The director’s room was open and she came and asked me what
I wanted. I explained her the situation and that I had no idea
what the teacher’s name was. I still knew the student’s
name and she knew who the teacher was. She took the books promising
to pass them on. Although I had left my address and phone number,
I haven’t heard from this teacher.
x For quite a while I had wanted to get rid
of about 15 Stephen King-books. For a long time I had wanted to
sell them but finally came to the conclusion that they have an
evil influence and therefore have to be destroyed. But how? Throwing
them away? People could take them out again. Burning? But how?
Now I took them all to my flat the week before I left for England
but I didn’t want them to be there. I couldn’t even
look at the terrible colours. So I decided to destroy them. I
took one of my metal bowls and put it on the floor in my room.
Then I took the first book and lit it. While it was burning in
the bowl, I added the next book. Now I realised that it took quite
a while and decided only to burn the ugly covers. As they contend
some kind of plastic, the whole room was suddenly filled with
pricking smoke. I quickly opened the window and put the bowl on
the window-sill. I started to wonder whether it had been a good
idea. I also had to open the door to my flat - but it continued
burning and smoking. I was afraid that somebody would call the
fire brigade but to my astonishment, all the windows around were
dark. After some time I put the bowl on the window-sill in the
kitchen, closed the door to my room and went to bed. The rest
of the books I just tore apart and threw away. I don’t regret
what I’ve done but I’m ashamed of having kept those
occult books for such a long time.
Leaving Vienna
When I left Vienna on Saturday the 3rd of February,
I felt very much prepared by God for this conference. I had a
sense of something special coming up and was looking forward to
the conference in anticipation.
But first, I was looking forward to the services
in “my“ church in Bournemouth that Sunday. It was
marvellous.
Some time in January, I had learned that I wouldn’t
be able to stay with Catia & David again like last summer.
Praise God I know so many people in Bournemouth. I stayed with
Peter & Nikki, a young couple I’ve known for a year.
I had a wonderful time in their house, although I didn’t
see them very much during the conference.
"Waves Of The Spirit"
The conference started Monday afternoon (5th
of February) and went till Friday lunchtime (9th of February).
We started in the morning with a short worship-time followed by
a Bible reading (done by Rob Warner - great teacher!), then had
a break, then the seminars, then lunch-break. In the afternoon
and evening we had main meetings. Speakers were John & Carol
Arnott, Wesley Campbell, Terry Virgo, Gerald Coates, David &
Mary Pytches and others. Worship was led by Noel Richards (I learned
some great new songs!). We could choose one out of four seminars
which went over three days. They were Prayer & Prophetic;
Healing; Worship, Warfare & the Kingdom and one on the
theological basis of what was going on.
And God was working mightily in my life ! In
the last session, the conference was evaluated and they asked
all the 3000 people to get up as an answer to the question. I
could stand up at nearly every question. The first was who would
come to that conference again. Here are the following:
1. Physical Healing
At the age of 5 I had had an eye-operation because
I was squinting. As a result, I had an eye-weakness that showed
when dancing a lot, filming (only one eye being used), and then
when worshipping and praying. The longer and deeper I worshipped,
the worse it was. I could never stay a whole prayer night but
had to leave after two hours, totally embarrassed, trying not
to have to look into anybody’s face. When filming my parents
at their dancing competitions, I had to drive back in the middle
of the night, only using one eye, praying for protection. But
most of all it drove me crazy after every worship-time in church
or elsewhere. Asking my doctor, she said I couldn’t do anything.
The only remedy was to go to bed; the next morning it was gone.
Sometimes, when it wasn’t that bad, it normalised again
after some time.
At the conference, I struggled after every worship-time.
(Thank God it never kept me from worshipping or praying.) But
it always faded away during the sermon as it wasn’t so bad.
Now I had chosen the seminar on Healing
by David & Mary Pytches. One of the tree mornings was on physical
healing. I had decided to grasp an opportunity to be prayed for
and I did. Two people prayed for my eyes. I didn’t feel
anything and nothing visible happened. But I didn’t mind.
God had heard the prayer and it was up to Him whether He would
answer it or not. Somehow, I didn’t care very much.
At the last meeting then, when they asked who
had been physically healed, I was suddenly stunned! We had just
had a worship-time and I saw properly! I hesitated and decided
to watch carefully in the future.
Now there have been several worship-times since then and I’m
totally amazed how much better it is! It’s not totally healed
but maybe to 70%; e.g. after 45 min. of worship I have some problems
which resolve quickly. I’ll certainly grasp every upcoming
opportunity to be prayed for for healing so that it can be healed
a 100%.
2. Inner Healing
One of my major problems still left before leaving
Vienna was the rejection I had suffered from all my life. I hated
the effects it had on me and desired so much to be set free from
it. God had already been dealing with it and finally brought it
to “completion“ at the conference. After two not so
good meetings where it had come up, I struggled with this rejection
again. This time, the one praying for me suddenly prayed against
rejection (! - I hadn’t told him the problem!) and he also
prayed a verse I had been trying to live for a long time: There
is no fear in love. I was amazed. Then God showed me the
following (part of it I had seen before): I saw myself lying in
my bed, crying in desperation till falling asleep with a bad head-ache
(that had been the norm for years) - and Jesus sat at my bed,
caressing my hair, loving and comforting me without my knowing.
Then I saw myself in my grand-parents’ flat (which was new),
in the other room, lying there and crying while I could listen
to all the horrible things my family said about me in the neighbouring
room - and Jesus was with me, He was on my side. Then there was
one more occasion on which Jesus stood beside me. I then felt
like a little child again that only wanted to be loved - and I
“saw“ God the Father at some distance. So I ran into
the arms of God, saying like a little child, nobody wants
me, they don’t love me, Daddy! I saw my family standing
at a distance, but I was save in the arms of God. He was there
to listen to me and hold me in His arms and I didn’t want
Him to stop embracing me. You know, one of the things I had always
wanted most in my life, was to be hugged by my Mum (or anybody
else) and most of the times she had only pushed me away when I
had dared to just do it.
The next thing I saw was my family - and I saw
them with the eyes of God. They were victims, living in darkness
in the kingdom of Satan, not knowing what was right or wrong.
They couldn’t be blamed for what they had done to me, to
a chosen one of the King of Kings. Again I was taken back to different
situations, which were worst in my life, caused by different members
of my family. But I didn’t see myself but my family. They
had dared to touch the apple of God’s eye, committing one
of the worst things you can do. I felt the seriousness of their
sin and cried out to God to forgive them as they didn’t
know what they were doing! I pleaded with God to have mercy (=
not receiving what we deserve) and grace (= receiving what we
don’t deserve) on them and to save them. After I had gone
through my family, deep peace settled on me and I had a sense
of undeserved honour. I said to Jesus: Thank you, Lord, for
the privilege of having shared in your sufferings.
3. Commissioning & Guidance
It was at the conference in Switzerland last
June when God quite clearly spoke to me about the ministry of
healing. I had hardly told anybody, feeling a bit overwhelmed
and not worthy for that - and afraid. Still, my desire to be used
that way increased very much after that conference and I cried
out to God seeing all the needs around me. God had already been
using me a little in inner healing and that was mostly on my heart.
Now, during the last half year, I wondered why “nothing
happened“. As you know from News from Vienna 10
I had a terribly tough time struggling with my own problems. Every
time I asked God why He didn’t use me more, I seemed to
get the same answer. He had to deal with something first (He actually
was more specific.).
So I actually lost sight a little of the promises
God had given me in Switzerland last June and continued to have
an increasing desire for the gift of healing. Then, interesting
enough, I was given a book at Christmas by somebody who had no
idea about this desire of mine - it was a biography on the well-known
healing evangelist Smith Wigglesworth.
The last day before going to England, we had
our Singles’ group and it was there that God suddenly reminded
me of what He had done and said to me in Switzerland - and I was
totally thrilled! I asked God for forgiveness of having “forgotten“
His promises and was looking forward to what God what do in this
area at the conference.
That’s why I didn’t even hesitate
when we had to choose a seminar. One of the most wonderful experiences
was that when the part on inner healing came, I wasn’t touched
at all! I was sitting there as somebody who wanted to minister
to others, and not any more as somebody needing help herself.
They then prayed for those wanting/being commissioned to be used
in healing individually and the Lord really touched me and anointed
me mightily. During the whole conference, I committed myself again
and again and again to the Lord, asking Him to use me. At one
stage, I found myself quoting Lk 4:18: The Spirit of the Lord
is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the
poor, to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight
for the blind, to release the oppressed.
4. Anointing For Service
I’ve already shared about the way God has
anointed me to serve Him in the ministry of healing.
The whole conference has been a time of refreshment
and meeting with the Lord. I had been so hungry and thirsty for
the Lord. Especially in December and January I had been praying
so much for more. I wanted to know Jesus so much more, to be like
Him so much more, to be closer to Him so much more, to be used
so much more, to see His Kingdom come so much more, to be filled
with His Spirit so much more, etc.. I spent hours (and days) before
the Lord crying out for more - and He answered this cry of my
heart! At the conference, I spent all the time possible in God’s
presence; I wanted all He had for me. I was always one of the
last to get up, being sad to have to leave His presence. Once
somebody even prayed that God would lift His anointing for a while
(against my will!!:-)!!) so I could go home! Most of the time,
I stretched out my arms to God as far as I could, in total surrender
and desiring Him, sometimes only saying Jesus continually, loving
Him. As the conference went on, I was so filled with the Spirit
that I couldn’t move quickly any more. The peace of the
Lord was predominant all the time. Even in the little freetime
we had I sometimes just sat down somewhere, continuing to be in
the presence of the Lord - and He was there ! Some people have
concerns about falling when being prayed for - I tell you I’m
glad I didn’t have to stand in the presence
of God for hours (as I was lying on the floor). How can anyone
keep standing when he meets the living and holy God ? My weak
little body is overcome when the Holy Spirit
comes in power.
In the evenings, we were always of the last people
to leave the conference centre; and the last bus had always left
already. And every night, God provided a lift home! I used to
come home at about midnight, then writing my diary and having
some time with the Lord. You can imagine that I didn’t sleep
very much, and still I was totally refreshed.
Intercession
Now the last important thing God has done: He’s
broken my heart again and again for Austria. Once, after a Bible
reading, we prayed that this renewal would lead into revival in
“our“ country and sang Great is the Darkness (see
box). This song finally completely broke my heart and all I could
was to go on my knees and intercede for Austria, weeping over
this dark country which has turned from God. I asked for forgiveness
for our sins as we had had God’s Word for so long but rejected
it. I identified with the Austrian people and their sins and repented
on their behalf, asking for mercy and grace on them, that He would
pour out His Spirit on Austria, bringing light to this country,
breaking Satan’s grip on this people.
And this was not the only time. I also interceded
for Vienna in particular and my church (see Vienna Christian
Center). One night, the lady who had prayed for me came back
later, telling me she had had a picture. She said: There is
this Spanish Riding School in Vienna where there are those beautiful
white horses which are so elegant, powerful and majestic. And
the King of Kings is sitting on one of those and He is much more
beautiful, powerful and majestic. And even if God is not moving
like that in Austria yet, Jesus is riding through the city of
Vienna on this horse. Then she prayed that He would take
me with Him and show me Vienna through His eyes. I thought, smiling,
dangerous prayer, as God has done that before. So often,
when I walk through the city, my heart is just broken by what
I see (e.g. most of the posters is about sex or New Age) and it
drives me to my knees to pray.
During the last ministry-time, as I was praying
for Austria again, a woman prayed over me for quite a while till
she said she had received a picture. She asked me whether I could
relate to it: I see you in the streets of Vienna and telling
people about Jesus. Oh yes, how fascinating that it fitted
so well (I don’t know whether she had realised that I had
interceded for Austria). She prayed into that and left. Then the
picture of Jesus on the horse came back and I “saw“
the following: I sat with Jesus on the horse; He was sitting
behind me, having His hands around me, at my sides, as He was
holding the reins and leading the horse. I couldn’t see
Jesus but felt so loved and secure. The most marvellous thing
was that I could see a crown on my head - as the princess of the
King of Kings. (With this statement, that I was a princess,
the intensive part of the healing process had started a year earlier.
As rejection had been dealt with, I was for the first time able
to accept that for me in my heart.) After some time, Jesus
stopped the horse and I got off. (I saw myself from behind Jesus.)
I saw myself praying for somebody and then I asked the Holy Spirit
to come. As I did that, Jesus lifted His right arm to heaven.
One thing I had been praying for a lot - during
the last months especially - was for more boldness in witnessing.
And in particular on the street ! So often I desire to address
somebody on the street, sometimes even sensing God telling me
to do so, but I’m so fearful ! I really have to take hold
of what Jesus has shown me now and think it will help me to be
bolder. Since being back, I’m even more sensitive as I walk
through Vienna. Everything I see really hurts me deep inside and
I continue to intercede for this city and country and my church.
So far, God hasn’t been leading me particularly while walking
through Vienna, but I’m praying every time before leaving
my flat that I would hear the Spirit’s voice when telling
me to do something - and that He would.
Actually, one strange thing I have realised
recently: More than once, angry-looking, even insane-looking people
have approached me on the street, shouting at me angrily in a
language I didn’t know, without any reason. .
The Weekend After - Meeting My Grandmother
On Saturday, 10th of February, my Grandmother
and her husband Frank picked me up from Bournemouth and we drove
to their home near Exeter. I wanted to know everything about them
and they, of course, about me. So we spent the afternoon chatting.
I gave her my testimony, telling her how God had healed me and
set me free. And my Grandmother also told me her story, and about
her Mother and Grandfather. I could hardly believe my ears! In
every generation the same story! It hurt me very much to see how
much my Grandmother is still affected by her childhood and the
curse on our family. It hurt me even more when she rejected any
help. Please pray that God would bring a breakthrough!
ÖSM/CU-Trip
On Monday, 12th of February, I went up to London
to meet the rest of the Austrian group. We were 6 Austrians, 4
from Graz, 1 from Innsbruck and I from Vienna. We first went to
Egham, then Reading, Southampton, some to Bognor Regis or Portsmouth,
and then we spent the weekend in Bournemouth. I enjoyed the last
two services in my favorite church so much and was a bit melancholic
about leaving Bournemouth. It might at least take another year
till I’ll be back. Monday morning we then went to Winchester
and finished the trip on Wednesday in London Heathrow.
Those ten days were really a good time. I met
some old friends again and made new friends. We participated in
CU-meetings, shared about Austria and prayed together. It was
also good to get to know the other Austrians better.
The only thing I struggled with was my being
with God. After the conference I was determined to keep the anointing
of God and spending time with Him is crucial for that. Now there
wasn’t very much time for that and especially not the freedom
for it. I missed that very much, not being able to sing and pray
as loud and freely and long as I wanted to.
Louise
Wednesday, the 21st of February, when the other
Austrians were flying back, I went up to Norwich. I had hoped
to stay in London for two days but it hadn’t worked out.
So I had more time with Louise. Maybe you remember that she had
been in Vienna for half a year last year and had been my prayer
partner. It was so great to see her again! We had a wonderful
time together although she had been very busy with her studies.
It was good to catch up again about all that had been going on.
I also enjoyed having some rest and time with the Lord.
Back To Austria!
Saturday, the 24th of February, I flew back to
Austria. It was the first time, I could hardly wait coming back!
Those of you, who know how much I fancy England, will understand
how much that means. I was so excited about all that God had done,
and all His promises, that I could hardly await serving Him and
seeing Him at work in Vienna, VCC and around me. I was full of
anticipation of what the Lord would be doing.
That's Life!!
How shall I make you understand the way my life
has changed!!! There’s no way of describing but I’ll
try.
First of all, I’m more in love with Jesus
than I’ve ever been before! I just love Him soooo much I
don’t know how to tell Him. Every free minute I have I want
to spend with Him. When I come home and have an hour time before
leaving again, I think, It’s not worth starting anything,
let’s spend some time with the Lord and I enter His
presence with worship and praise.
Actually, it’s nearly becoming a “problem“.
I’ve been back now for two weeks but hardly done any work
yet as I only want to be with my Lord and Saviour. My times with
Him have increased in quantity and quality. His Word has never
been so alive to me. I usually don’t want to stop reading
- even the “dry“ chapters of the Mosaic law! The Holy
Spirit is teaching me and showing me so many new things which
are exciting and how to apply them in my life. (In the beginning
of the year I started with a one-year-Bible-reading-plan; I now
study Acts and Numbers.)
I especially enjoy my “ Jesusdays“
so much. I’ve had two so far and they are such a blessing.
How wonderful to be with the almighty God for 5 hours in a row!
It’s a time of cleansing, intercession, listening and refreshing.
Another thing is that I’ve entered a new
level in intercession. God has given me such a burden for Austria,
Vienna and my church. Nearly daily I lie before Him, sometimes
not being able to express my grief but by groaning (Rom 8:26)
and wailing. I also pray more than ever before for my family,
and with a new authority and understanding. I’m so confident
that they will be saved!
I’ve also entered a new level concerning
fasting. It’s on one hand easier, on the other more important
to me. I fast on my Jesusdays, in order to receive more spiritual
food; I fasted for the release of God’s power at the first
RETURN-group (see Vienna Christian Center) and I’ll fast
two days before the service on healing. It’s so rewarding!
Daily Life
Daily life is completely different. The morning
after having come back from England, I went to the service in
my church. In the end a worship-leader and my small ALPHA-group-leader
came up to me and said, Claudia, I have to tell you something:
It’s the first time I feel well in your presence. You radiate
so much peace. You have no idea how much it meant to me to
hear that from him. (He is very sensitive to the Spirit of God.
- see Vienna Christian Center) And that’s one of
the major changes: I constantly feel full of peace, like never
before. I walk through the day, not worrying about anything, feeling
totally FREE and peaceful, and close to God. There have been meant-to-be
discouragements already but they fail. I look to Jesus and nothing
seems bad any more. He’s in control. I can trust Him a hundred
percent. As I long as I have Him, I have everything I need. That
reminds me of the following:
My Notebook
Two days before coming back to Vienna, my notebook
suddenly didn’t work any more. I tried my best, but no way.
My first reaction was panic. There are so many invaluable informations
saved on it - like my diary (!), but also for university. If I
lost them ... After some time I stopped myself. Don’t
be stupid. It’s only a notebook. Of course, it would be
terrible to lose all the data, but you have all you need, you
have JESUS. I was ashamed of having loved my notebook so
much and repented of having given it to much importance, telling
Jesus that I only wanted and needed Him. Still, my notebook didn’t
work but it didn’t bother me that much any more. Having
come back, I immediately called a friend who finally managed to
restore the notebook and rescue my data.
God's Temple
One of the most beautiful results of the completion
of the healing process is that the power of the effects of my
past is broken; more specifically I talk about my eating habits.
They had been completely wrong and although I had known that,
I didn’t have the power to change it. As a child, I didn’t
dare eating in the presence of Heinzi and ate the more when he
had gone to bed. I also used to eat a lot of chocolate (which
is a “substitute“ for love). I also used to be on
diet constantly - which increased my self-hatred and depression
as I constantly failed and even had more weight than before -
and more contemptuous remarks from Heinzi and my mother than before.
You can imagine that these eating habits still
effected me. I loved chocolate and had to force myself to eat
fruits or vegetables (which I hardly ever did). I hated my body
and therefore looking into the mirror. Of course I knew that this
wasn’t okay but didn’t know how to change it.
PRAISE GOD He’s done it! As He has dealt
with rejection, I suddenly love myself and find my eating habits
having changed from one day to the other! I don’t have any
problems eating vegetables and fruits any more and decided to
have one each a day. Even more amazing, I have no desire at all
to eat any chocolate! After one chocolate biscuit I have enough!
Now the most wonderful thing: as the Lord has
healed me inside, He’s restoring my body. For the first
time in my life I’m easily losing weight. I have no problems
with eating properly and again, for the first time in my life,
I even start liking cooking. I have no desire to eat much and
daily, I ask God to transform this temple of His Holy Spirit for
His glory, to make it beautiful and honoring for Jesus. And He’s
answering it. One thing I want to emphasise: losing weight and
fasting are two different things! When I fast, I don’t think
about the weight I might lose. If I did, I would miss the purpose.
This point is very important for me.
What Else?
The months before England I had been working
on listening to people instead of talking and to consider
others better than myself (Phil 2:3). I’m glad to see
the progress I’ve made and am still working on it. As the
Lord has filled me to overflowing with His love and love for others,
this has become a lot easier and more joyful. One thing God has
dealt with is the problem of judging and criticising.
I’m so glad to see how much progress I’ve made here.
I refuse to criticise anybody but love them the way they are.
The more it hurts me to see others judging and criticising.
One thing I’m doing daily is to break any
pride I find. I hate it but also know the danger of it, so it
has be dealt with on a daily basis.
The First Week Back
As I’ve already said, I didn’t do
very much work - actually not any - , although I still have those
three papers to write. Instead I met with a few people and enjoyed
being with the Lord.
The Second Week Back
Lectures started again that Monday, March 4th.
It was great to be back at university and being able to study
again - especially my African language.
It’s so amazing to watch how God’s
working when you hand it over to Him. I asked Him to lead me with
organising my time and He’s worked out a wonderful time-table
for me, perfectly. There’s only one problem:
Austria Needs Your Prayer NOW!
I am prevented from studying because the universities
have gone on strike. The country of Austria has big debts for
which reason the government decided to take economy measures.
The group mostly affected are the students. They want to take
away virtually everything they get: no more reductions on the
public transport (which means 50 $ a month), no more grants for
most students (me included) which means no more social insurance
with the parents, less lecturers and lectures, higher minimum
of people for a lecture (which would affect many lectures at the
institute of African studies), and many other horror-things. Humanly
speaking, I’m very concerned if they really push it all
through. It would mean that I’d have to stop studying because
I wouldn’t be able to afford it any more (again, humanly
speaking) - like many other students too. I would have a loss
of 4000 $ a year!
For all those reasons the teaching body and
the students have gone on strike. Now you must know that Austrians
hardly ever strike. This creates a big sense of insecurity among
students, as well as the Austrian people (everybody will be affected).
Nobody knows when they will take up classes again, and in the
meantime there are all kind of activities, demonstrations etc..
Please pray that the Austrian government will realize the horrendous
affects their measures would have and change their minds. Pray
also that out of this insecurity many people - students - will
turn to the One where they’re save and that revival will
come as a result. Pray that God will use a big evangelistic meeting
with Reinhard Bonnke in Vienna the 29th of March
(still connected with From Minus to Plus).
Nexr Week?!?
The positive side of having no lectures is that
I’ll have more time to meet people and be with God - but
hopefully it will also mean that I’ll make some progress
with my papers!
Next Months?!?
There’s nothing special planned for Easter
but at the Pentecost weekend - from May 24th to 28th - I hope
to go to the conference in Bern/Switzerland again. I haven’t
applied yet because it’s dependant on the accommodation.
Please pray that the free accommodation would work out again like
last year. I’m waiting for an answer. Pray that the Lord
would provide the finances. I know that it will be an important
time of equipping again.
Summer!!!
GOD IS GREAT! Before going to England, I had
the impression that the door to Africa this summer was closing.
Every day I hoped to get a letter from Africa, telling me, that
I would be very welcome to come in summer but it didn’t
come. Then I was told by the travel agency that there were hardly
any seats in the plane left already. Reading an advertisement
in a Christian magazine about a 6-month-discipleship school by
YWAM gripped my heart. I was so hungry for more and that seemed
to be a way to learn. So I wrote there (New Zealand) for more
informations.
Being in England, I really felt in my spirit
that the door of Africa was closing. I wasn’t happy about
that - till I got this leaflet:
From the first moment I saw it, a deep desire
started burning in my heart. I had to read it again and again,
not being able to lay it aside. That was it! Lord, that’s
the answer! That’s where I can learn to serve you the way
you have called me to! I knew it wasn’t an accident I had
found that leaflet. I started praying about it and my desire even
grew. I asked for guidance and started worrying what to do when
finding a letter from Africa
when coming back. What should I tell them? What would they think?
And I really had a letter from Wycliffe, coming
back. I was convinced that the door to Africa had closed for me
and that Canada seemed to be the right place. But how should I
explain them? I opened the letter and was astonished to read that
they had said NO! As they’re still very much in the beginning
of the work and after some troubles just start to make progress,
it wouldn’t be helpful this summer. It even seems better
from my point of view as it would be more rewarding for me to
go next summer for example. Of course it’s a shame, especially
as I’ll miss the IFES-conference for French-speaking Africa,
where I had hoped to meet friends, who work with IFES in Africa
now, again.
But the alternative is thrilling! It’s
a ten-week-course to be trained in counselling & healing,
with theoretical and practical teaching. Every week there is a
different topic and speaker. As it is a Vineyard school, it’s
closely linked to the church of 1500 people there. This course
will be from the middle of September to the end of November. Now,
university starts in the beginning of October and I would miss
the first 7 weeks - but it shouldn’t be a problem to catch
up with that. Another problem were the finances. The whole ten
weeks (including fees, accommodation and meals) cost about 2700
$, plus the flight. So the logical conclusion was to find a job
for July and August, which is not very easy, but:
Nothing is impossible for God! Two days after having come back,
I was told about a job which I could easily get, earning the exact
amount I needed. Going there revealed that it wasn’t that
easy. They wanted someone for permanently (but the friend of a
friend said that he would try to talk to his boss again). I had
just been denied this job, when the next was at hand: office work
for an insurance company, earning a bit less, but doing what I
love (word processing on the PC). I phoned and was told that they
would probably take me. I only had to send a letter of application.
I’ve just written this letter and will send it of on Monday.
Please pray that they will give me this job. It’s really
a miracle for me to see how those jobs just suddenly opened up.
I’m 99,9% convinced now that this School of Counselling
& Healing is where the Lord will send me this summer - and
I’m thrilled about it ! There’s nothing I would want
to do more ! And I’ve always wanted to go to the States/Canada
sometime. This school is in Kelowna, about 270 km east of Vancouver.
Besides, I have a friend in Vancouver while others will have left
already.
One more comment: at times, I had the impression
that God gave me a choice to choose between Africa and being equipped
for the healing ministry. I was a bit scared because I would have
chosen the healing ministry without hesitating. I’m still
a hundred percent committed to my calling to Africa but I know
that it will take several more years till I’ll get there
and the Lord wants to use me in Vienna in the meantime. I’m
glad to see how much He has laid Austria on my heart. I used to
pray a lot for Africa and those who have never heard the gospel
but very little for Austria. I’m also very grateful to finally
know the gift I desire most to be used in. It’s actually
funny for me that when I was first filled with the Holy Spirit
to overflowing at that weekend in Paris in January
1994, that had been a weekend-seminar on healing and I had gone
to the small-group-seminar on healing.
Africa Forever
This last weekend has been very African for me.
Friday night we first had the first RETURN-group in my place (see
Vienna Christian Center), starting at 7 pm. Then, at
11 pm, we had our monthly prayer night in church. I had been looking
forward to going there again so much! I hadn’t been there
for more than half a year. The number of people has decreased
meanwhile and it’s purely African today. I really think
it’s disgraceful that no white people are coming to prayer
meetings. Anyway, I had a wonderful time with my African brothers
and sisters, worshipping God and interceding for Austria, VCC,
the world and individuals.
But the most wonderful thing: I praise God from
the bottom of my heart that He’s made it possible for me
to stay to the very end (6 am) as He’s healed my eyes (see
1. Physical Healing). I only had little problems with
it from time to time but I trust God that He will heal it completely
in His time.
So I had a wonderful night - altogether 11 hours
of worship & prayer! Then I went to bed for 8 hours, got up
again and went to the service of the African fellowship (for the
first time). I was the only non-Nigerian again but I felt so at
home I didn’t realise at all. We had a wonderful African
two-hour-service. The only danger is that there will be some Africans
running after me again if I get more involved with the African
Fellowship. I’ve already had some serious troubles in this
area before.
Anyway, I want to reach the Africans in Vienna
for Jesus and which better way is there than with the African
Fellowship of my church. |
